by VC Edwards
The occurrence of black men marrying white women offends many black women. Black women are perplexed and troubled when their supposedly male counterparts seek out someone of another race, suggesting black women are not good enough, or essentially undesirable. However, black women might be less stressed to learn that a likely reason for this phenomenon has nothing to do with black women, but has everything to do with a black man’s own identity.
Black men who deliberately look to marry white women are not moving “from” someone, but are moving “towards” a particular life. Such black men are looking to escape their current existence, and they “perceive” marriage to a white woman will give them a better life. This is all based on their perception, when in reality anyone in America can better their state of life, regardless of color. But, this perception usually was formed when they were young, based on struggles or negative perceptions within their own family or community. If they struggled financially, and they “perceive” whites to be financially better off, they perceive that marriage to a white person will be an escape from financial hardships. What they don’t realize is that they will likely not do much better than they would if they married a black woman because they are not likely to attract white women of a higher class than their class or financial status. Thinking life will be better with a different race is their perception, not based on reality. White people are not immune from financial problems or life problems.
Black men who intentionally date and marry white women are looking for a new identity. This is an identity issue, just as some men escape the male experience by changing their gender or attire from male to female, or some men marry younger women, thinking it will help them hold onto their youth. This same reasoning is applicable to black women who intentionally marry white men. Needless to say, not all black men, who marry white women, do so because of an identity problem; most, presumably, marry for love and common interests or bonds that override skin color.
So, black men, who intentionally marry white women, don’t necessarily have a negative impression of black women. The negative impression, if any, is that of the black man’s own identity. If a black man implies that black women are the problem, he is likely using black women as scapegoats to keep his ulterior motive concealed. A black man, with an identity problem, never wants a white woman to know that their love is laced with an agenda. This black man will do anything to maintain a marriage to a white woman because he wants to stay in that world, even if it comes with added pressures of “keeping up with the Joneses.” So, black women have no reason to feel threatened by white women. If a black man has an identity crisis, it’s his problem, not a problem that black women can do anything about. Black women need to realize this identity problem is not a problem of all black men. The majority of black men marry black women. The majority of black men have a healthy image of themselves and, even when confronted with adversity, they can find optimism and humor. They are not defined by negativity from outside sources.
The one element to success, for all colors of people, is to follow Jesus Christ, to block any negative societal perceptions and threats to life. Black men do deal with disproportionate injustices in our society, but the path to prosperous living is a full-fledged commitment to Jesus Christ. Just as the solution for any negative black male experience is to find the true God, Jesus Christ, the solution for any black woman looking for marriage is to seek God, as head of her life, in order to find a marriage unity that is solid in Christ. So, black women continue to be strong and beautiful, as God created you, because that is what will attract your black counterpart, who is not afraid to marry a black woman, but will consider you a blessing. To learn the essence of a prosperous marriage, read “How to Hear God to Prosper.”
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©VC Edwards 2016
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